Hung up
2005-11-27 @ 1:58 p.m.

I need to tell you something, let me say it in your ear. This way...maybe you'll hear better.

The only reason I ever did those things was because I felt pressured, & I haven't stopped cutting even though I said I would, & now definately isn't the best time to talk to me about it because I'm totally PMSing.
Even though I may not have made myself clear enough to understand, I will try to turn around tomorrow & be a better person than I have been. I've been negative, & pessimistic, & unhappy. I don't feel like saying why, probably because nobody would understand anyway. But I will still try & turn this around. I may not have much time left, but I know I can do it. If I only try to. (which this time I promise, I will)
I can remember what I was like this time last year. Happy. I was delighted with everything & nothing could get me down because I was going on a feeling, an emotion. & I'm still doing that, except I'm taking off the wrong emotions & I am getting hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore & I will not suffer. Nor do I want to let those emotions get the best of me & ruin my day. This will probably take more time than I'm willing to take, but it's better than doing nothing. I know it's a big step, which is why I haven't told you about it yet, I do not need anyone telling me what I cannot do. I know that myself, & I know that I can do this. I want to be what I was only a year ago. Because I can slowly feel myself slipping into old habits, although you may not see it- I actually can. & I've felt like I'm thirteen again. & that, right now, is the last thing I want.

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