start it over
2007-12-06 @ 1:35P

Today marks the official day - I`ve been single for exactly two years now. When you look at it simply that seems pretty depressing, but if you factor in that I really haven`t been looking for anyone it doesn`t look so bad. That`s not to say there haven`t been people passing by who I thought I would have made some type of close relationship with: in fact there have been a few of those, but I guess I was wrong about them.
I`d be lying if I said I didn`t expect it to last this long because quite resonably I did expect this & I`m still expecting it to continue on likely until the day I meet my end. That may sound dramatic to some people but I have totally forgotten what it`s like to be that close with someone. I should note that when I say totally forgotten I mean that I remember but I cannot conjure up the feeling again.
Originally I thought that this might be something that my brain would just block out immediatly & I would continue on living my life & deal with the issue later, but it didn`t work that way. I was forced by myself to deal with it immediately & it wasn't until one year went by of being alone could I reasonably think through the situation & analyze it objectively. That`s one of my weaknesses. I`m not going to go on by saying that I did it because I`m an emotional person - everyone is capable of emotion, but perhaps rather I am more sensitive & attentive to my emotions. Typically I`ll allow myself to be angry & move on. If only I had known the advice then that I know now.
I can remember before turning thirteen that I thought I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would never fall for anyone & I would not be stupid enough to get sucked into the ideal that is first love. But I am unfortunately an ordinary human & became subjected to emotions even I couldn`t control. Not only that but I saw no advantage in being able to control my emotions - I would just let them run wild. Well, sensitivity no more. I may still be subject to hurt & anger as all humans will go through, but I will deal with it immediately & put it away when I face a new day. That`s the main difference between the person I was two years ago & the person I am today.

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