for Caleb
2007-04-11 @ 8:12P

I don't want to be hurt anymore. I wish you wouldn't say I LOVE YOU to me: or to so many other girls so easily. You barely know me as you barely know them. I don't understand what makes me different & I certainly don't even understand this arguement we always seem to keep coming back to. You totally deny that you're trying to play me & them - what do you take me for? If you aren't a cheater than you're a liar with what you're doing so you might as well just pick one now. I don't see how you can supposedly "love" so many people at one time. & yet you won't even own up to your actions claiming that they are just 'other girls on myspace' & that it's not a big deal: but saying I love you in any way shape or form is a big deal especially to me. & you hurt me so much I don't even think you realise how much I liked you. I still do - but my feelings are very hurt & I don't know what to believe about you anymore. You said that you don't tell me about the girl you liked because you know that it hurts, but yet you let me talk all on about mine without ever saying anything about it hurting your feelings. I don't even know what to think. I just know that I'm hurt & you did this to me = it HURTS. You make yourself out to be this sweet sensitive guy - which of course I bought into right away. I don't even know who you are - I thought I did but right now I'm feeling so backstabbed & betrayed I cannot help but wonder if everything that you told me was a lie. Was everything you told me a lie? You always say that I never believe you in anything but do I ever have a bad reason? I have a good reason for everything I believe. & the more I think about it the more I'm starting to believe that you are so desperate you will say anything to get a pretty girl to care about you. I've had my heart broken too - you're forgetting. I care about you; it seems you're forgetting that I care at all. I won't be ready to talk to you for quite a long time. & you said that you don't care if I say it back & you probably wouldn't believe me anyway... how do you think that makes me feel? It proves everything I've already told you in our conversation two days ago. I hate how you make it out like you're the only one who cares as if I don't at all. You love somebody I'm not if you think you love me. I can never have anyone because I will never be what anyone is looking for. I will never be good enough for anyone. I wish you would just stop trying to convince someone who is so utterly worthless that they actually have a purpose to living.

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