for Justin
2006-07-01 @ 1:31P

I'm sorry for freaking out at you. &as soon as our conversation was over I ran into my room &cried. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I have to get it out &I know I'm too emotional but I love you &it's hard for me to act the way you probably imagined before you dumped me. I really am sorry. &if you were reading this I'm sure you'd know why, but you I don't think you are so I guess it doesn't really matter, I'll tell you later. I need someone to be here for me, &I don't feel as if I have anyone. My "friends" write me shoutouts on their sites &make it clear to me verbally, that they are there for me no matter what. But despite what they say, I know that they aren't. Nobody is here for me. Not even family. &the other friends I've told you about are gone. I have no contact with any of them anymore &they've completely left my life. They could be dead for all I know, &if they were-I wouldn't have any idea. Today you really surprised me, &I didn't know how to react. I wish I could've been kinder, but feeling someone get closer to me just by having them take an interest in me frightens me now. I still want to be with you. &my name wasn't about anyone else. I think of you constantly &wish I could go back to when I screwed up &change it. I regret so many things I've said to you &if I could take them all back I would. I'm lost without you babe. &it looks like I'm going to be for the rest of my entire life. I need someone here to love me, but I'm not so sure I want it to be you. I can't bare the idea of breaking a heart. I'm sorry.

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