2006-03-11 @ 7:29 p.m.
To be truthful, I should just be thankful that it even happened. Because I honestly didn't think that I would ever fall in love - ever.
& I was lucky enough to have it twice. Even though I don't believe in luck but that's beside the point. I fell in love - twice!
& that alone is quite remarkable. But it's not close enough to my dream, the only goal I have. & if it doesn't happen within a year - I've pretty much lost all hope although I didn't set a time until I hit 23 years of age. It's funny because I will probably still be here blogging weekly about my life & how badly I suffer. But it's not that bad. If I had a regular blog & wrote down everything I did each day my life would seem pretty good to any normal person. But it doesn't satisfy me. I only want one thing in life now. & that is love. Since I don't have it, truthfully, I don't feel like I'm worth anything. I sometimes try & create the false impression upon myself that I am, & that is isn't actually that bad being me. But I don't like the position I'm in right now...sometimes I just wish for anything that would bring someone my way. But then there's times/days/nights/weeks/months, like this when I let my low mood trick me & believe that I'll never be worth anything no matter what kind of love finds me. All in all - right now, I just feel like dying. The End.
previous - next