I don't know lil
2006-03-03 @ 12:00 p.m.

i think slowly people are starting to understand me better - & i them. But that won't stop me frm feeling pain, regret, & suffering. I still feel as if I'm going to die & another guy in my life is the last thing I need right now. But he isn't just any other guy & at the same time I suppose that's what I said about the first & second boys I fell in love with. But this really is the last thing I need. I know it isn't real love. I just feel like I need him because he was there every other time I thought I was going to die. The last time he didn't really save me - he just helped me save myself. But now I get the feeling that I just want to be with a boy. I just want someone who will hold me & hang out & do fun things like give me unconditional love.
This give doesn't exist. Not in my world. But if he ever did he passed me by only to come upon the perfection of his soulmate. [aka] that which is not me.

[excuse me while i cry myself to sleep again]

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