2006-05-30 @ 7:23P

I got to sleep &reflect more on my thoughts in the past couple of days. My parents know I've been depressed regardless of what I tell them. &I can see it. My self esteem is lowered &I'm literally not in the same mindset that I was when I was happy. &I still am trying to figure out what it was that changed my thinking. I've been so confused lately it was nice to have some time to collect myself. For once is awhile I genuinely smiled today.
when i was thinking of the only one who seems to matter
But the simple beauty of rays of sunshine coming through my window wasn't enough to make me last a day without crying. &in all honesty, I'm sick of waking up every morning &looking at myself with red, &swollen eyes. &it's also the fact that I feel like I can't do anything about it. So I'm trying harder to follow my once believed philosophy. I can't dwell on the things that have passed. If I'm going to have to give up 30mins every day just to feel happy I've gotta do it.
Then again all this sadness could be from lack of chocolate.

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