2005-05-19 @ 9:20 p.m.

Where would my life be without hate? Thinking, I hate myself and everyone around me. Itís mutual affection. & it never used to matter. All of the sudden it does. But Iíve never been very good at keeping my emotions in. So then I shake
& brake
& fake it
These feelings are so junior high. What the fuck is wrong with me? & why canít I be what I was?
Every night I think about breaking out the razors again. Every single night. & I know somethingís wrong with me when I canít look at myself in the mirror without feeling something negative. I look & see marks that havenít healed & I regret, but then I get angry at myself again & continuing to look all I can see are the flaws that I created.
Morphed disgusting monster I once was & still am. Deep deep down.
I hate that fact.
I hate it all.
I hate having so much regret
& I hated it when all I had were the friends and the goddamn injections to make me happy.
Now I would love it if I had either of those.
& I wish I had the pity.

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