2005-10-16 @ 6:27 p.m.
I'd like to note that I updated the page about myself. It was quite depressing doing that actually. I hate knowing when I have to change it, it's almost worse that actually editting it. Watching the lines I had written disappear as I become someone else & fall into sadness once again.
Music can't even seem to save me lately. It's not that I've lost so many people anymore, it's just I thought I had changed so much & yet; I feel like I'm thirteen again. (& i hate it) I just don't want to fall into bad habits again like I did when I was that age. Not to say I haven't been around the block or anything, but my friends went through nothing I had when I was 13. Although I'm sure now everyone must have experienced what I had.
It must be the feeling of numbness I have. The hurt in the fact that I've lost everyone has passed now. It's just knowing that they are all pretending
is what disgusts me & makes me want to tell my life story to everyone who will listen. Not that I have been through more than they have, but they won't know me until they hear it. Nobody does. So far only 1 person knows the story of my life, & I wish he lived around me still because I need him as much as ever now. Thanks anyway man, you've saved me enough already.
It's sad to know you have nobody but yourself. I'm not trying to complain, it isn't that bad really. I have nobody to need to depend on or anything like that, nobody I need to call & tell the latest gossip to, nobody I need to please or say I love you to either. But at the same time, when I had all those things, I was happier than ever. & I can feel myself changing back to the same stupid cunt I was at 13 as I lose everything I loved. The only problem is, you can't live right when the only person you have is yourself, & you hate them enough already.
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