I wish they would all stop pretending. Stop hinting at what they want from me & just say it straight. I don't care anymore! Why should I bother with myself when nobody else gives a shit anyway. I hope they're all happy now with what I've done to myself. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of celebrity that needs to please everyone. I can't do that, & it's not what I was born to do. & at this point I honestly don't think I was born to do anything anymore. Be born, feel pain, die. I particularily like the sound of the last one right now. If only it would hurry up. & believe me if I could force this issue I would but somebody out there really wants me to suffer. I feel it.

In a week my life came crashing down upon me. I have nobody I can turn to. If only there was somebody else out there like me. Someone who has nobody they can talk to, nobody they can feel a positive emotion towards, nobody that cares for them, nobody that will help them. I don't have anyone. & I feel like I'm 13 again. I've crashed & burned too many times for my liking now. & I sincerely hope that they fucking like what they have done to me. Because nobody else is any match for them.