I can’t go back now. After all I’ve done & said, I can only apologize & hope for the best. I hate that being the case, but it’s true. & that’s how I’m just going to have to handle things from now on, no matter how much I dislike it. That is, if you’ll let me apologize. Some times you do, & you sit there respectfully until I’ve said my peace. But sometimes, you won’t respond & it kills me.
What’s hurting more than anything right now, is that nobody can understand me. Hell, I can hardly understand myself. But it hurts to think that I don’t have anyone to talk to that will agree & understand or even support me. It’s always questions that I get in return & I don’t think that’s fair. I don’t want questions because I don’t need them, in fact, they’re exactly what I do not need in my life right now because I have enough of them already. It hurts me to know that nobody is truly there for me. I’d like to believe people are, some of them like to pretend they are, but really they don’t care & sometimes I simply wonder if they would even care if I left their lives. Honestly, lately I have wondered that for about twice every day. & I’m disgusted to think that there is the possibility that they wouldn’t care. I’m there for anyone, for anything & I don’t think I get what I deserve in return. I always wondered what purpose I actually serve on this earth, & I always knew that I did have a reason to be here. But now I’m doubting myself, & maybe I have no purpose at all.