2005-08-31 @ 11:32 p.m.
I canít go back now. After all Iíve done & said, I can only apologize & hope for the best. I hate that being the case, but itís true. & thatís how Iím just going to have to handle things from now on, no matter how much I dislike it. That is, if youíll let me apologize. Some times you do, & you sit there respectfully until Iíve said my peace. But sometimes, you wonít respond & it kills me.
Whatís hurting more than anything right now, is that nobody can understand me. Hell, I can hardly understand myself. But it hurts to think that I donít have anyone to talk to that will agree & understand or even support me. Itís always questions that I get in return & I donít think thatís fair. I donít want questions because I donít need
them, in fact, theyíre exactly what I do not need in my life right now because I have enough of them already. It hurts me to know that nobody is truly there for me. Iíd like to believe people are, some of them like to pretend they are, but really they donít care & sometimes I simply wonder if they would even care if I left their lives. Honestly, lately I have wondered that for about twice every day. & Iím disgusted to think that there is the possibility that they wouldnít care. Iím there for anyone, for anything
& I donít think I get what I deserve in return. I always wondered what purpose I actually serve on this earth, & I always knew that I did have a reason to be here. But now Iím doubting myself, & maybe I have no purpose at all.
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