I went out looking for a dress last night; so many of them were black & red; so many of them were something I didn't want, or something that didn't fit. I kept running through all of their attempts to comfort me in my head like how you can do better & I somehow deserve better than him. & thinking about all of that it wasn't any different than trying on dresses & looking in the mirror at all the things I'd have to change...

I don't want to be like this anymore.
I don't want to still be crying over him every other night when I've been single for almost a year now. Almost a year & I still can't seem to get over him. How am I going to even get through buying a simple dress when I know that he won't be the one standing beside me when I wear it for the first time.

& I know he won't be... so who will?

I couldn't find a dress last night.