i can remember when i was very young & dare i say dumb that i wanted the life many of my friends now have. With a perfect career & house with the pickett white fence & the perfect husband who takes out the trash & cuts the grass & the little dog hanging out in the backyard getting in his way. Some girls even dream this out in total detail their whole life & get rather disappointed when it doesn`t play out in the perfect way that they had intended. That`s not me anymore. & if it`s not too bold to say i am rather proud of it. i don`t want to do what everyone else does, or be what everyone else is. Sometimes it seems like everyone has a perfect life & than some times it seems like they are all going through tough times. as i grew up i developed a fear of everyone leaving or moving on without me. i think sometimes it fades & sometimes it gets rekindled: those are the 'good' & 'bad' times. i didn`t want to be like everyone else but at the same time i didn`t want to be left behind by not appearing as successful & not having enough to show for my lack of 'catching up'. some people thrive off of that stress & pressure: not i. Every day something fairly momental happens with someone i know & they will cross another milestone while i sit back watching silently; happy for them of course, but also bitter & disappointed by myself. & so i can`t help but feel as though i`m missing out on all of the fun & that it is of course entriely my fault. What else can i do but live out the other life.

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