turtle turtle yellow turtle
2008-05-18 @ 10:24P

Do you think that our personalities develop because it's simply who we are, or because we're trying to be someone we aren't? Avoid being someone we don't want to be?

Typically i`m one of those people who chooses nurture over nature. This question is something like those stories you hear on Oprah all of the time: the separated twins being raised on opposite ends of a coutry & meeting each other years later - almost total opposites. Well OK some of them aren`t totally different but most of that I think is determined genetically.
Something i only recently realised is: you can never try to be something you aren`t that just doesn`t make any sense because you can only ever be yourself: i can never be you & you can never be me no matter how hard you try. Even if you are avoiding yourself so to speak, that becomes a part of who you are & all of these parts you want to develop & get rid of will remain.
Here is a better question: how does your personality define who you are REALLY?

Do you view yourself in a realistic light? How happy, are you REALLY, with the person people see as "you" on a daily basis?

This is another odd question to me because i have always thought reality is what you make it. Therefore i haven`t got much concept of what realistic even means. My reality could be totally different when compared to your reality. Two people can get together at the same place in the same time - are they experiencing the same reality because of these conditions?
When i was 14 i saw my inner self moreso than my outer self. My "inner-self" being the person that i wanted to be: on the 'outside' & the 'inside'. But than over time i woke up & somehow found that what i was experiencing wasn`t what other people were. So I ecided to be more awake & instead of living on the inside as I was before include my mind & physical.
I wonder now if people not only see me on the outside as i appear but also the person i am on the inside? What I mean by this is: can who I am/how i feel/what i be on the inside affect how people perceive me on the outside. If it works for me why not them also? Some days I look in the mirror & feel awful with myself/spiritually & this always affects the way i feel i appear physically. This also makes me wonder what is really human nature when considering ones appearance. To even examine this in a child is difficult especially in todays world.

What would you change if you could?
If i could I would probably change all of the standard things people brush off as being human nature (if they even are)?
I would change my fears: for example I would have none. I would never worry. I would be able to remember what I needed to & forget the things I don`t much easier. I wouldn`t feel density or matter. I wouldn`t have a sense of smell. I would be able to create & change things at a rapid pace without waiting through an immense amount of time. I would change my experiences. & most importantly i would be able to accept everything the way it is & agree to disagree. &piritually i would like my desires to have more intesity & feeling behind them.
i could go on & on physically as i`m sure i must have done before in this diary? maybe not. but that isn`t as important because when it comes to the "reality" i know most of these are things i cannot change & should just give up on hoping & ACCEPT.

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