Laying there last night we (or rather I) was not comforted for once in being wrapped up in him. The sheets didn't smell like what I'm used to - there were too many &too thin &cold. He tried to make me feel at home but I know that now he's not what I am looking for.

I thought that maybe if I opened myself up to another boy that I'd be able to see the point in relationships again, & that maybe I could have a new start & a relationship that wouldn't come to an end without some good memories along with it. I know now that I can't just walk into a committment freely. I know what I want & I know who I'm not going to have fun with.

Either way - being there with him in that uncomfortable bed gave me a feeling I will not forget. He made me feel like I was cared about & that's exactly what I needed. Too bad that idea faded so fast.

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