2006-10-01 @ 5:13P

I am getting better. Although I've stopped my everyday unconscious habits I am picking up a new routine of scratching again. Anyone who knows me at all will know that this is not a good sign; I've tried to stop it already & my nails have been consistently breaking but that isn't stopping me from itching myself bloody.
and the first sentence is suppose to be the liberating one.
Today couldn't have been any more fucked up. Why my alarm was going off on a sunday morning - only God knows &why I actually got up & listened to it has a rare reason that's going to become even more routine. I drove over in the sunlight &came back with a frown (as always). I was waiting to be told I was beautiful all weekend & I never heard it once despite how hard I tried.
Sitting there today in someone elses home watching reruns of Laguna &eating all the ice cream without a cone or a bowl didn't even make me feel better. I just continously felt guilty. I still feel guilty & I've been having more showers a day than I can count because of it.

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