Walking in through those doors at 8:30 in the morning was not exactly what I was up for. As soon as I reached the top of the stairs I felt it - &I was looking for you. It was the same feeling I've always gotten when I'm waiting or looking for someone &it hurt me. I thought about it so much that by the end of the day while I was waiting for the bus it stabbed me 16 thousand times in the abdomen. I wish I could have been better. I wish I was good enough then - because I doubt you'd look at me now. I'm a little better but nobody sees it, at the same time I'm a little worse too but for other reasons. Getting compliments helps my mood but does not control me for an entire day - they eventually wear out &become boring. Old news. I wanted to be perfect &now that I am: who is going to notice?
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