2006-08-26 @ 1:22 p.m.
It's late in the sale &an odd time for an entry. But I'm still thinking of you.
I only ever wanted one person since I became 12 years of age. For this long I've been searching for just one person who'll hold me, care for me &love me how I want to be. Then I found him &he gave up on me all in the course of one year. Things can hit you that quick. He came &left &I only have hope left now.
I wanted him to be the one to hold me forever &love me forever, compliment me, care for me, be with me, stay with me &want to: for the rest of his life &beyond. But I've never been good enough yet so why would I now? Despite the ways he had changed me & all of the hurtful things he said: I still love him; &really it's as simple as that. I'm always going to love him it's just a matter of him coming back (or not) & me moving on (either way) I'd love for that to happen but I'm so confused at this point I want it all just to end. I want someone to care for me again &to show me that I mean more than nothing on this earth. I want him & nobody else.
Making a decision for anything is so difficult at this point that it makes me wonder why the hell I am living in faith. Nobody else may understand what that means but I do. I wanted to be his. & now he's leading me on &pushing me back &doing it all over again. He's got me wrapped around his finger & I'll bet he knows it. He likes the fact I'm desperate &need him &want him more than anything else. I'm being teased &it hurts: badly.
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