At times I wish I had never fallen in love; because then I wouldn't miss it. But at the same time I think that if I had never known what love felt like than I wouldn't have that reason I do now. That's the reason I get up every morning after laying there dreaming about all the things that could happen. I wake up &hope that maybe I'll get a hug today &maybe my parents might tell me they love me. Everytime I see a new boy look at my funny I wonder what he's thinking about &I think about what I'm feeling. Soulmate? Answer is always no. But everytime I see Jeff or Justin I am either excruiating hurt &can't manage to keep my eyes anywhere near them or I get completely enrapt in them &wish that they could see what we could have been &I wish that I never fucked it all up. I'm thinking about everything I probably shouldn't right now but I will not allow myself to cry. Something will happen. Someone will help me. Somebody will love me.

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