I know what I want it's just a matter of timing. I hate that everyone knows how I'm feeling now. I've never had a problem with my outward honesty but when you tell one person something it's like everyone else is bound to know. I get messages every day now from various boys asking for my contact information, &they get telling me how "hott" they think I am &I'm really not interested. Once they find that out it's onto the next person though. I can't help but wonder what these guys think they're gunna get by adding me to their lists. Anyway, moving on...
Aside from the partial hour I spend watching TV tonight, I just cried again for two hours. &it was non-stop, I just couldn't calm myself fown &I'm wondering if I have some kind of mental problem. I replay different scenarios in my head - I try to be grateful for what I have but it isn't much. It gets more into material objects than it should. I feel like I have no friends, nobody who loves me. I feel so abandoned. When I got home today the first thing I did was found my dog &went to greet her but she ran away. &everyone has been acting like that lately. If I could turn back time I would fix all of this, I would go all the way back to November. When all the drama got worse becoming too much to handle &I started drifting away because of school. When I thought I had someone who loved me &would never leave.

i wanna hear what you have to say about me, hear if you're gonna live without me, i wanna hear what the hell you want, i remember december.

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