You Don't Know Me
2006-05-02 @ 5:53P

I miss the nights after school when we went out together & just talked & walked. I miss the nights when it wasn't all about gettin crunk & dancing the night away while trying to get some of the cute guys. I miss having a cute guy. Yeah, I miss a lot. Mostly, I miss the normal nights of my life. Yeah it's getting better & yeah I don't need to do homework every night anymore - but let's face the facts. I'm still alone. The closest person to a friend that I have right now is going through hell. She says the nicest things about me & her closest friends, but her life isn't anything a normal teenager could suffer through. This person never had time to be her age - ever. But she doesn't want to & I can tell. Her only parent abuses her in every way possible & I have no idea how to help. I don't even know if I should help. I hate writing about this type of thing on my diary but I can't really talk to anyone about it. I'm alone & there's nobody I can go to. I know she tells me things about herself to feel better & open up to someone but I also know that she doesn't expect me to be the type of person who'll go & get her parent taken away. This is basically the only family she has & I wish I knew how to help. For the past three nights this has been all I could think about & I'm so lost & clueless I have nobody to go to & no one to ask for help. Most of all though, if I asked, I don't think anyone would help me, or her. We aren't the popular, beautiful, or smart girls who happen to be perfect & not struggle with any problems. The more I think about this the more I question myself. It feels like I'm the abuser & she's the abused but yet there is no relation between either of us. If I knew how every one felt about me, I would change even if it meant it was going to be hard & take a lot of time. But I know that this girl isn't the one who needs to change, I am. & I have but yet nobody seems to see it. I wish I could speak to someone who actually knows me & cares but there really isn't anyone who can help... I've cried so much within these past few nights, trying to think of what I could do or how I should act but I don't know. I used to be so good at this but I lost myself in giving so much information away, I don't know what to do.

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