The Night I Dreamt of Heaven
2005-12-12 @ 10:19 p.m.

I thought nothing could go wrong & that I started to see your faults & instead of accepting them-I tried to change them. All because I thought you were perfect & I wanted it to stay that way. It was a stupid thing for me to do but I don't even know if it would have affected your decision at all. But at least I learned something from this. They were both the same, my loves. & they ended up doing the same things to me-I never thought that was possible-but I had lost myself in them. I thought they were perfect. Who knows? Perhaps I will fall in love again-I'd just rather it sooner than later as I don't want to lose all hope in love forever. But at the same time all good things come back. I wonder how long or how many times you can say that for. It was almost a year & I'll be lucky if it doesn't take that much time for me to recover from it. I hope not but what's the probability of someone saving me now? Zero?
& I thought I was having a difficult time before he left me. How wrong I was.
I now look in the mirror & see the same person I was at 13, just matured slightly. I still cut to help me deal with pain, & school & love are the main reasons for why I'm stressed out. I see all this in a reflection & I HATE IT


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