2005-12-11 @ 2:00 p.m.

& I laid there with the phone pressed to my ear. Unable to believe what I was hearing. A person I had never seen before came out of you today. & I will never be able to forget the things you said. I hope you're happy with yourself-because that way at least one of us would be. I only wanted to do what I thought would make you happy. I wished you would give me a chance & I wasn't confident enough in the fact that you still "love" me. I'm not even sure all the apologies in the world could fix what you have done today. I am hurt, more than I have ever been in my entire life. So I hope that at least one of us is proud in what they did for the other. I wish you just would have told me that I'm not good enough. At least then it would have been the truth. I may not understand but I was listening-no matter what you think I was or wasn't doing. You're most likely wrong. But if you came back to me right now within the next 16 hours-I would probably forgive everything. But since that's extremely unlikely to happen-I guess I won't be forgiving you anytime soon. I just want you to know how much I loved you & that I hope you had fun while you were with me. Because looking back now I'd love to do it all over again. But as the days go by-I'd probably change my mind. & I laid there frozen because I was so shocked again it was like the break up all over. It was like I had re-wound time & I don't even know if it had helped anything or if it will in the future. I only wanted to make you happy-whether I'm happy or not now, doesn't matter to me because I'm back to what I was again. Dead to feeling, lost to Time, Numb in everyway humanly possible. & I'm not going to keep my promises either.

How I hope to God nobody still reads this.

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