My Tormented Mind
2005-11-02 @ 7:35 p.m.

Everything goes wrong with me. I've actually been visualizing myself doing things I would never ever in the right mind do. & yet they seem to become closer & closer to the truth. I believe I know the truth, just it has nothing & everything to do with myself at the same time.
Bottom line is, I'm very much tired with the way people have been treating me. But I cannot figure out why they do this to me. I can only wonder if there's something I've done wrong, something I did to hurt someone or around anything of that nature. I just cannot figure it out. Do these people do this to me because they can? I fail to understand once again. *sighs* & this angers me. The way I'm being treated that is. Why? What have I done today that makes me hate myself at night? I know I'm only human & that nobody could possibly be perfect but I still continue to try & do my best to avoid confrontations, & what do I get from this but loss of everyone I thought I had known & I thought was with me in this life. I feel so numb again I only wish I had something besides a story to tell. Even 3 years ago, at least I had the drugs & the friends. I had something I could depend on. Now I feel as if I've lost almost everything. & the only things that bring me back from my icy dead life of hell is my love & my pain. The only thing I have to look forward to is school, which I don't even enjoy but at least its something to do. & I don't need anybody there. It's only me & my mind. I desire the life I once had...

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