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2005-09-11 @ 8:47 p.m.

I've always said how I never wanted to be ashamed or afraid. & now I am. & I couldn't feel any less like such a fucking hypocrite. It really started up again when I broke so many promises. Things I thought I would never have to go back to, I have. At a time I actually thought I would not have to resort to what I'm doing. Some people would probably still think that I don't however, I disagree. & now, I feel as if I'm losing everyone in my life because of a few simple mistakes. Actually, I don't feel it, I know it for a fact that I am. & honestly, I cannot blame them for that. Everyone has a reason, & kind of in a strange way, I'm somewhat getting what I want. But to lose everyone all at once is what slaps me in the face & suddenly makes me question what in the hell I am doing wrong. The first day was well, not as great as I had expected & I don't even know why I expected any better. I'm slowly drifting apart from everyone. & I'm coming to the realization that I truly do not know these people anymore. I guess I only have myself to blame for the hurt that will continue, as does everything else.

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