I can�t go back now. After all I�ve done & said, I can only apologize & hope for the best. I hate that being the case, but it�s true. & that�s how I�m just going to have to handle things from now on, no matter how much I dislike it. That is, if you�ll let me apologize. Some times you do, & you sit there respectfully until I�ve said my peace. But sometimes, you won�t respond & it kills me.
What�s hurting more than anything right now, is that nobody can understand me. Hell, I can hardly understand myself. But it hurts to think that I don�t have anyone to talk to that will agree & understand or even support me. It�s always questions that I get in return & I don�t think that�s fair. I don�t want questions because I don�t need them, in fact, they�re exactly what I do not need in my life right now because I have enough of them already. It hurts me to know that nobody is truly there for me. I�d like to believe people are, some of them like to pretend they are, but really they don�t care & sometimes I simply wonder if they would even care if I left their lives. Honestly, lately I have wondered that for about twice every day. & I�m disgusted to think that there is the possibility that they wouldn�t care. I�m there for anyone, for anything & I don�t think I get what I deserve in return. I always wondered what purpose I actually serve on this earth, & I always knew that I did have a reason to be here. But now I�m doubting myself, & maybe I have no purpose at all.

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