how to be dead
2005-06-30 @ 12:03 & 10:43 p.m.

I'm much better off pretending...But I am not so sure I can do that anymore. People around me, make me feel things, which makes me think things. & I know myself that if I spend too much time alone, I'll begin to think up things that are not true, & I'll end up acting on them like they are. Which I've shown last night. & I think I cried the feelings out of me. It was more than I could bear to hold inside. But I'm glad I did that, because now I am learning to go back to the way I was.

& I get super excited thinking about that^. Going back to the way I was. But I'm not so sure I can anymore.......

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