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Manipulate me
2005-05-25 @ 8:38 p.m.


Am I no better than what you could have? No one understands how willing I am to let this go. Of course, that isn�t what I want. But I am still willing to.
I feel so used. Like a puppet, I feel it is all out of my control now. I was blind to see another side of what could be happening here. I�m not receiving loyalty like I should. I know it. But because I care so much, I can�t help sacrificing a part of myself for another person. I don�t feel superior anymore, like I once had. The numb feelings have been ripped from me & I�ve become an emotional wreck instead. The worst part is, I have to keep those emotions inside. I feel as if I cannot feel without somebody asking me that goddamn question as if they really care. When they obviously don�t. Honestly, if you cared so much you wouldn�t have let this happen to me. You wouldn�t have put me through it. But because you did, I now must suffer in it. I can�t walk around anymore with any emotion on my face without somebody asking me why or what. I need to smother my screams with a pillow at night. I need to cry in the shower when nobody can see or hear me. I need to spend an hour a day writing this while the music plays in the background. I can�t project the confidence I once had because of so many putdowns that are coming back to haunt me. & I�ve lost sleep over this. That�s what you have done to me. I thought I had escaped from their world, but I was dragged right back into it. People are not supposed to cause this much pain to each other.
People do strange things, when they�re in love. Or at least, when they think they are.
Manipulating my emotions like that kills me inside.

God how I hate being wrong.

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