Am I no better than what you could have? No one understands how willing I am to let this go. Of course, that isnít what I want. But I am still willing to.
I feel so used. Like a puppet, I feel it is all out of my control now. I was blind to see another side of what could be happening here. Iím not receiving loyalty like I should. I know it. But because I care so much, I canít help sacrificing a part of myself for another person. I donít feel superior anymore, like I once had. The numb feelings have been ripped from me & Iíve become an emotional wreck instead. The worst part is, I have to keep those emotions inside. I feel as if I cannot feel without somebody asking me that goddamn question as if they really care. When they obviously donít. Honestly, if you cared so much you wouldnít have let this happen to me. You wouldnít have put me through it. But because you did, I now must suffer in it. I canít walk around anymore with any emotion on my face without somebody asking me why or what. I need to smother my screams with a pillow at night. I need to cry in the shower when nobody can see or hear me. I need to spend an hour a day writing this while the music plays in the background. I canít project the confidence I once had because of so many putdowns that are coming back to haunt me. & Iíve lost sleep over this. Thatís what you have done to me. I thought I had escaped from their world, but I was dragged right back into it. People are not supposed to cause this much pain to each other.
People do strange things, when theyíre in love. Or at least, when they think they are.
Manipulating my emotions like that kills me inside.
God how I hate being wrong.