This will be my last post of the year. i can feel myself starting to slowly get back to normal. Normal: being the way i was 5 years ago. i was so in touch with myself i never needed to question anything i said or did or felt i was too busy living in the moment & being. Five years ago i may not have known who i was or what i wanted to be or do but i was myself, unafraid. i wonder how i lost it. Yes i was young but i was more me than ever. & it`s nice to be getting back in that direction. i`m developing my sense of style better i think it`s because i`m not in school anymore & i`m not so young (at least i don`t feel young - but i do feel happy) i`m not afraid to experience certain things & i`m OK with being critiqued. i guess over the years i lost myself & became so disconnected my thoughts weren`t my own. i don`t know if this is making any sense but at least i know what i mean. Maybe i am already insane. somedays (like today) i think if i didn`t occasionally snap out of my thoughts i would totally leave myself on the bus & have my mind wonder everywhere constantly. i wonder how many thoughts the average person has a day? i always thought i may have more & i`ve always been looking for ways to calm my thoughts. i find when people are happy & enjoying themselves they have many less thoughts than when they are upset & not. & i will continue to find more ways continuing this diary for another year...

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