No matter what I always try I end up failing & I doubt I will ever be good enough or bad enough for anyone. Lately I`ve become so obsessed with perfecting myself that I`ve literally got no time to pay attention to others. I guess you could say I`m practicing "non-judgment" or something along those lines. Deep down inside I want to spark something in everyone I want to help, but I don`t want them to know. They can think of me however they like because I know that I will never hear it from their mouths. No words they could speak would ever seem to matter in their mind, but in my mind that`s not at all the case.
I don`t exactly know if this is making sense. Maybe when I come back & read it in a months time or so it will or maybe it won`t. I have no idea how to explain what I`m feeling. I wish I could stamp a feeling into a word, but the words never seem good enough especially when they aren`t being spoken. Nor probably will they ever be spoken to anyone.
I guess I feel this way because I`m scared even though I know I shouldn`t be. My biggest fear is being alone & somehow I feel as if I can conquer it. When I go through it everyday it feels as though it gets a little easier. I`m coming one step closer everyday & I realise that I will never be perfect but my real goal is only to be happy with myself despite that.