I don't know if I can go through with this any longer. There is so much I have to change & erase from my life & memories. It really hurts-more than anything ever has hurt me before. In fact, I didn't know I even could be hurt this bad. & I'm actually having a hard time believing it. I don't want to accept what I've done. I find myself sitting here wishing I could have what I once did again. Better or worse so that I'd at least be somewhere & not caught in the middle. I hate this! This is probably the worst feeling I've feel since the last one. Why do all the guys I love have to be the same?!

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