The last few days haven't really been going over very well with me. I was starting to cheer up a little & then I crashed again. I don't know why but it feels like every girl's life here is a major tradgedy & I don't want to be one of those people anymore. I've got a life story that could probably traumatise you but for now I'll pretend I don't.
What's happening confuses me - I'm trying to get back to normal; trying to distance myself from people yet they won't let me get away. It's as if they want me around so they can hurt me over & over. Maybe it's just an error in my thinking that makes these things reoccur - but I'm not one to place blame on people.
Especially people that aren't me.
Life is getting hard. I haven't forgotten what it's like to be happy because when I am - that's when I lose it. When it gets taken away & I am bombarded with more obstacles. I don't know how to go about my life & way of thinking anymore... I sort of wish I could just stop altogether.
I need to deattach myself from everyone & it might be harder than I thought. I miss being numb & not caring, but since I turned 13 caring [about everything] consumed my life & I haven't been the same.
Justin continues to talk to me &rub things in my face & make comments about cheating on his gf. what an asshole. he doesn't even look hot or cute to me anymore but i can't help but feeling the same emotions & feelings as when we 1st fell in love. because i still love him. he was the 1 who wanted to remain "friends" not me. 1 of his friends said nobody likes him anymore but his GF. that made me LOL. i was always friends with his friends, not out of obligation but because we really did get along. & i think it says something when u dump ur gf &then ur friends still stay friends with her... i miss his family sometiems too. they were very nice to me, like Jeff's. but it's all over now. now it's his new gf's turn to meet his family, who knows how close they really are. i know Justin loves to make it sound like something amazing, even though it might or might not be. Some people are just gloaters & braggers. All for attention. I'm not impressed.
Caleb is very nice to me. He is a great friend i like him a lot. he is so attractive it's no wonder he has lots of girl friends. He's good at sports & he's into the scene fashion, a lot like me. we have a lot in common with out music taste & movies... just like jeff & justin & i had when we started dating. but Caleb is taken & he's not mine. i wish he would be mine. but he's taken. he's taken.