&today all of the sudden a smile hit my face when you're name was mentioned. I couldn't help it I just smiled, &it must have been the widest, truest smile that I've had in a very long time. Just smiling for a reason again made me happy in an instant.

Since then you're image has kept coming into my head & I can't get it out. &someone asked me why I was smiling - I didn't answer, but now I know why. I don't think I've come to terms with it yet but just being able to be happy when I think of you now tells me that I'm getting better. But then again when I can't get you out of my head after those memories are mentioned I realize that I am still hurting. If I could turn back time & change it all I would.

No I don't want you Mr. October. This entry is for someone who I think I've loved &felt quite a bit more emotion for than you. I can't come to terms with my mistakes - I will never accept them.

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