I thought we could be so much more, & the words that you spoke were just slamming a door in my face, but you didn't lock me out. You didn't lock me out. You're letting me sit here suffering & if only you could see how desperate I am to hold someone again - to be held.
The warmth of a caring boy right now sounds pretty undeniable.

I'm holding back & I'm sure you know; If only you knew how difficult it is to do so. I am trying without you - to make it &to become a better person & to learn from my mistakes. I tried so hard.
Maybe if I had pasted myself with makeup everyday - even just for school - you would like me that much more. Maybe there could be room for an us if I did that &the same way pasted on a gleaming smile. You'd think it's all for you when you don't at all have a clue how many times I've done this before. Will you be my new target Mr. October? I'd like to know.
Maybe you could mean something to me.

I'd like that.