The last couple of nights I've dreamt of him. The first night I had a nightmare &awoke cold &trembling & laid back down only to have yet another nightmare. But the dream I had last night was nice: soothing in fact I quite enjoyed it. Of course it's all about him &us & being together &the possibility of me being able to feel him again but it still doesn't explain anything to me. &what I'm looking for isn't exactly something I think that he will openly tell me. I mean he didn't before so what does a few months later mean, right? I don't know maybe I'm hoping for way too much. He's still fucking with my head &I'm still so confused as to what to do that I have no idea what's going on. I just know what I want so at least I still have that - at least I still have a goal. &that's really all I need.