Tonight was quite possibly the worst night I've had out &spent with my friends. It was nice to meet new people but I know a new friendship won't go anywhere. I need new friends but I'm not interested in making them. So I stood surrounded by people &feeling so alone &listening to the music, but not speaking. I felt so little not only physically but mentally I wasn't better than anyone. My hair got flat, my lips were chapped, &my knees were about to give out &then they all leave &I cross the street to sit down as if in some video pink's "who knew" began to blast in the darkness. &when I saw them all approaching I held my tongue as I bit back the tears. Although water swelled in my eyes until I walked up the steps to my front door not a single tear fell. &I will continue to hold back until this look is closed &I roll over to sleep. I'm losing weight &hair - neither a good thing but my lips sting when I attempt to bring good near my mouth. I'm cold &covered in goosebumps, trembling & sniffling from trying so hard to keep from crying. But it's time for me to let go&this entry to end. Today onyll made me realise how much I ((still)) miss him.