It's raining again &for some reason I continue to feel miserable. I really need to get myself some new friends. Not ones who only want to be around me but people who don't match their sunglasses to the concaine tray. Starting July I need to clean myself up &act as if I've never felt better. I need to purge the memories &leave this house. I should get a new wild hairstyle I've been yearning for since I was 13. I have to go out &spend time with someone I love &buy a completely new wardrobe. I need this - to pick up &dust myself off: try & try again. Ever since November people have been hating me. &that's not the way I want to be remembered. I'm sick of pretending &I want everything to come out hard &raw. I need a more real type of exposure. No more lying &pretending. I've got to be myself because I can feel I'm breaking down. It's time to turn this around. There's one summer left &I better make it a good one.

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