I sat on my cold bathroom floor & let the memories flood over me. As Canada Day nears, more are coming & becoming more clear. I sat there looking for comfort as I have done many times before. But it didn't comfort me & it ended up making my pain more difficult to deal with. I scratched & rubbed my legs until they were red & sore. &it felt so good at the time I couldn't regret it. But I never let myself cry & I'm still wondering if it's wrong for me to bottle up my emotions like this. Typically it was my solution to everything before I met Justin. He really opened my way of thinking & it became a new comfort for me to spill every thought to him & I never had to hold back. Even at times when I didn't need to say anything at all he could just let me cry & eventually I'd be okay. But now that hes gone I no longer have someone I can vent to. I don't have someone who will understand me the way I need them to. I really dislike it when that happens. Boys make you depend on them & then leave you to deal when you appreciate them most.
It's making me a little sick to every night put on creams & lotions & visine & lip gloss & hairstyling product... I'm getting tired of all the meds, pills, & products I "need" to make me healthy, & beautiful.

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