A lot has changed in my mind within these past six months. I can remember in January how I tried to keep everything the same. My world was stagnant - all for the possibility that he might come back to me. I kept the same everything
straight down to the wallpaper on my computer. Then I grew up a little. I still miss him but I wanted to keep the emotions & feelings alive like a constant. I desire someone to love so much that nothing became more important than trying to preserve the feelings of my first love. Yes Jeff was first but I never had received anything from him like I did with Justin. He cared, but not so deeply that it was "love". The truth is that I'm afraid of moving onto anyone else because I don't want to be hurt again. & I don't want to hurt anyone in return. I realize that fear probably isn't going to help me at all but I'd rather be that than abused out of desperation.
previous - next