I couldn't bear staying online to chat any longer. Sorry but the pain was becoming unbearable & I let your low mood trick me. So I tried to hold it in & figure out what's wrong with me. Noticing my amount of vigorous scartching I run into the bathroom & turn the taps, splashing water everywhere. In fear of what would happen if I don't do anything. I sit my ass on top of the toilet & wonder if what I'm thinking of doing would be what they, or any guys, would want me to do. Then I remember friday night & how many guys were gaping at me. & I turned off the water & sat on my bed - thinking about how this entry will sound. Thinking about the two fires that are still lit up outside & how the voices sound that are surrounding them.
Nobody called me today & someone actually apologized for it. I hope tomorrow won't be the same. I desire someone who will love me but it feels like it's always the things that you cannot have are the ones you want. But I'm not going to deny myself out of anything. I've improved so much compared to a ear ago. I'm a kinder, more understanding, beautiful person & I wasn't that one year ago. All you really
need is confindence.
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