2006-01-30 @ 10:27 p.m.
I love so many people in this life. & I couldn't leave them. But still, plenty
has made me think about just ending it or leaving all this behind. But if I did that, I wouldn't get to see any of the people who I love so dearly,& in fact I love them so much it's as if I miss them already. But I don't want to leave. I want to grow up but I can't help comparing this year to last- last year was perfect. Pretty much everything about it was...even the weather. & now I don't even have the occasional snowfall to look forward to. It's depressing really. I keep counting the hours between my breakdowns. I'll be lucky if I last six hours without crying. I had to keep-literally-going to the bathroom in school just to cry quietly & be alone. I love these people, but yet I hate the way they make me feel. I wish I knew what I have done wrong. I miss him & I don't even think he cares anymore. He's happy, being alone-that is, if he even is alone...it's funny too in a way because I had gone through this exact same thing already but in a way it is also different. Before I hadn't been this
in love, & parts of me still don't want to leave him. But I'm not strong enough to handle that yet anyway. Still-a part of me will probably never let him go. I wish I knew what I did to these people.
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