Why do I get the feeling that this isn't going to get better? I thought the worst had come and gone by now, how very wrong I was. But I will tryto be optimistic about this situation. This is a good example of how things can always be worse. ((which is why everyday I remind myself of the pain I went through years ago)) Just when you think they can't.
I see the kind of world your living in now. ((one)) It's selfish, filled with jealous and disease. The jealousy overcomes you1 to be something you're not. Argumentitive and vain. The greed and selfishness wouldn't exist if not for the jealousy. The disease is your mindset, the state of being at dis-ease. Which causes the sickness you're suffering from.
Two, your world is much the same. Except the jealousy is hidden-but it's there still, whether you deny this or not. Your world has much more stress for it is so tense. And every word you speak, has an affect, positive or negative, on the person you tell those words to. Your arguments, however, are much less intended to harm. Because you2 do it for attention.
Three, I want to be a much larger, longer serious part in your world. So peaceful and serene. It's dream-like and I love that I cannot imagine myself there. But you can. And I love to have that kind of reassurance. It's so unique from what I'm used to. Even though I enjoy routine I'll be up for the occasional change. Especially one as great as this.
I chose to write about only three of you and how I view your lives because currently, you're the most active people in mine. I know this isn't quite as detailed or specific as it probably should be. But that's not important to me right now. And I've tried for you people-I really have. But now I'm giving up. And this isn't worth it for me. I'm looking out for myself now. Expect nothing. Positive or negative-I am in a numb state again.